Hire me, goddammit.

I sent Gawker excerpts from Jenny 8 Lee’s new book because I had a review copy from work. I then had a brief email exchange with the book editor there and today she published the excerpts that I had sent, complete with the charming yet inane tags that I had given them. Food porn! I said it was food porn and then she used it!

Here’s my dream: Gawker book editor and I exchange a series of erudite emails establishing my quick wit and abundance of snark. In these emails, I mention that I am moving to New York in April. Gawker mentions they have a free associate editor position. Based on the strength of my carefully crafted emails, I start writing for them, perhaps covering race? I have no idea. Whatever. I want to be a part of their world.

Maybe my next step is to make up lit journals and write some clips and slap together a fake portfolio. Shouldn’t I try to live the dream? I’m not sure what the dream is.

On an unrelated note, I wish I used a zipline as my main form of transportation. Even though I am terrified of heights and the idea of my whizzing through the air clutching onto a small piece of metal, a zipline as transport seems to be the funniest/best way to go about matters. I would wear a helmet. It would rule.

Shake it, don’t break it.

I have had a dream since I was about 14. This dream is to become a video ho. I want to dance in a pair of hot pants and a wifebeater while some rapper pontificates about the size of my ass and what he’d like to do to it. To work towards this dream, I often dance like the women featured in the videos below in my room with the door closed.

If I could get my ass to do what these ladies are doing, I would be that much closer to nirvana.

This entire video contains some of the most amAAAzing shit I have ever seen ever. My love fore Beyonce runs deep. When I learn how to do what this bitch is doing in this video, that is the only way I am going to walk for the rest of my life.

I love Flight of the Conchords.

Happy New Year. It’s 2008. I toyed with the idea of coming up with large, over-arching themes for this year. Big in ’08, Grad School in ’08, New York State in 2008. These didn’t really stick. Whatever. New year, new change. Here’s a resolution: QUIT SMOKING. We’ll see how this works out.

I love Flight of The Conchords and I think that each and every one of you should too. Here is a clip from the show.

This song makes me pee my pants. This entire show makes me pee my pants. It is on DVD now and it is dirt cheap and hilarious. It is a blustery day here in SF. This is what I have been watching all evening.